Our position as
college coaches requires a great deal of time and effort to
fulfill all of our various duties. Recruiting, practice planning
and execution, alumni and public affair events, community
involvement projects and academic oversight are just some of the
more demanding aspects of our jobs. We work very hard to build a
successful program -- on the court, in the classroom, and within
the community.
Many of us are facing a very trying and difficult time in our
life for personal reasons. Our parents, who have given us their
love and support throughout our lives, are dealing with health
issues that now require our love, time and support. It can be a
difficult issue for us, in that we often live and work hundreds
or even thousands of miles from our parents. We want to be there
for mom and dad, yet we also want to fulfill our
responsibilities as a parent, spouse and coach.
My dad and mom have supported me in my athletic endeavors with
their presence at many of my games, both as a player and a
coach. When they couldn’t attend our games in person, they
anxiously awaited a call from my wife or me for the outcome and
details of our game. My basketball team was so important to them
and it made me feel so loved knowing that they cared so much
about my players and me.
My father died of cancer on October 17, 1997. I was coaching at
the University of Incarnate Word, a private Division II
institution in San Antonio, Texas. My parents lived in Corpus
Christi, TX, which was located about 145 miles away. Because of
the close proximity of our homes, I was able to visit mom and
dad very often and they were able to come to many of our games,
often staying with my family afterwards. It was a very good time
for me. In all of my other previous coaching positions, I lived
more than 5 hours away from my parents. I was given a second
chance to get to know my parents in a much better way and I took
advantage of it. It was almost as if I was put in that coaching
position to better understand my parents and come to appreciate
them even more than I thought I could!
Dad died before the season started, but we had already begun our
regular workouts. I had asked my team to practice on a Saturday
at 7 am so that I could go and see him one last time before he
passed away. I was told that he had about one more week to live
and I wanted to spend the better part of that weekend with him.
However the night before I was scheduled to see him, he died
unexpectedly. I was crushed in that I did not get to see him and
tell him one more time how much I loved and respected him. This
disappointment has stayed with me ever since.
Now my mother is suffering from severe heart disease and does
not have much more time with us. It’s early December and we are
playing games twice a week. With no major airport within 100
miles, I’ve driven 370 miles (one way) to see her three times in
the last six weeks! My wife has made the same drive three times
on my behalf to give mom the company she needs and desires! Am I
doing enough for her? Should I be leaving the team more than I
have been and leave my assistants in charge? With all the
pressures of collegiate coaching weighing on you, this can
certainly add to the mix! I pray that God will bless her with
better health and help her understand my predicament! I look
forward to finals week when I can spend another three or four
days with her.
She’s involved in a very important fight -- a battle to over
come her frustrations and pain and keep fighting to live. I want
to be there for her and let her know how much I love and care
for her. She has been there for me all my life doing what she
can to help me succeed in my endeavors. I need to somehow find
more time to be there for her in these tough times she’s going
through. I owe her that and so much more.
Unfortunately what I am experiencing is something that many of
my colleagues in the profession are also dealing with at present
or in the not-too-distant past. There are many aspect of our
profession that are not understood by fans and/or media.
Sometimes I think it gets lost that coaches deal with the same
issues as everyone else.
