RUNWAY TO THE FASHIONABLE 4: Jalen Rose

AMERICA'S BEST DRESSED
By Coach Dave Magarity

April 11, 2005

THE BEST DRESSED IN AMERICA

Finally we have reached the last act on the Runway to the Fashionable 4. It has been a tremendous tournament, to date, and championship Monday is sure to provide more drama, more style and more Telemundo.

Telemundo: La recepción al día final en el cauce a los 4 de moda y Dave Magarity sigue siendo el hombre más hermoso de América.

Translation: Welcome to the final day on The Runway to the Fashionable 4 and Dave Magarity is still the most handsome man in America.

“This is what it’s all about,” said Rice head coach Willis Wilson. “The guy who gets it done today will have bragging rights for a year. It will be a great summer for the victor.”

Each of the four finalists has already claimed the title of best dressed in the past. And Wilson was correct. It makes for an interesting summer on the recruiting trail.

“You hear about all the time,” laughs Drexel coach Bruiser Flint. “It puts a target on your back.”

Mr. Fly Flint will face Elvis, Villanova’s Jay Wright, and Wilson will meet Neil Dougherty, who was crowned champion in 2004.

Each of the four competitors was confident, as they made last minute alterations, but there was very little trash talking. It was all about compliments and posturing.

“Neil is looking to defend his title,” said Wilson. “He made a great run in 2004 and he has answered his critics by getting back to the Fashionable 4. Anyone who thought last season was a fluke is very much mistaken. He’s a tough opponent, but I think I will be ready today.”

And Mr. Fly had similar remarks.

“This is big,” said Flint. “This is for the title of Philly’s best. Jay has a lot of nice gear so it won’t be easy, but I will have a few surprises today.”

Before the two finalists would be determined on the Head Coach stage, the Assistant Coach Tournament semi-finals would take place. There has been no shortage of jawing on the understudy stage and that didn’t figure to change on this day.

“Where is Tony Jones,” asked UCLA’s Kerry Keating. “Oh that’s right, he didn’t make it to the Fashionable 4. That’s too bad.”

Keating inclusion in the Fashionable 4 is still very much in question, as far as I am concerned. I have petitioned the fashion committee to review the results and I finally got a response from Ms. Angela Lento.

Lento: “The ruling will not be overturned, Dave.”

Magarity: “I am concerned that Kerry’s advancement has a lot to do with the fact that he is a regular columnist for the Runway to the Fashionable 4.”

Lento: “Kerry’s on-going column and his advancement are two totally different things. I might point out that Jalen Rose is a regular contributor, but his candidate did not reach the Fashionable 4.”

Magarity: “And let me add that it was a tremendous decision to knock Jones off the stage.”

Speaking of Rose, he was in attendance to take in the action and he was supporting Keating’s opponent.

“I have to go with Bacari,” said Rose. “I am disappointed that Angela didn’t get Tony to the Fashionable 4, but he did win it all last season. Now it’s up to Bacari to keep the title in Michigan.”

In the other semi-final, former Rutgers assistant Garland Mance will be taking on Santa Clara’s Lloyd Pierce. My man Sam Scuilli stopped by to provide some insight and analysis.

Scuilli: “The young upstart has moved to the fashion pantheon.”

Magarity: “This is quite a surprise to many. How did it happen Sam?”

Scuilli: “In situations like this, an astute observer will look past the obvious reasons and search for more subtle factors. Lloyd spent five seasons playing professional basketball in diverse international locales (Germany, China, Australia, Turkey, Mexico), but more importantly, he has traveled extensively on four continents. A fashion maven of this magnitude has developed his unique sense of style and élan by synergizing his native Californian style with the refined tradition of Europe, the avant-guard flair of Asia, and the earthy confidence of Australia. As we continue to marvel at his inspirational run through the bracket, we must continue to be pleasantly surprised at the myriad facets he presents to the world.”

Magarity: “Well that’s quite an endorsement. Your verbal skills and ability to articulate is tremendous. I am going to recommend to Angela that you join the fashion staff for next season. Outstanding job, Sam.”

Let’s take a look at the results of the semi-finals…

ASSISTANT SEMIS

Barcari Alexander defeated Kerry Keating: Outstanding result. I am sure Mr. Keating thought his place in the championship was secure, but it didn’t work out too well for him. Alexander, who is destined for Portly & Stout status, is one step away from fashion glory.

Lloyd Pierce defeated Garland Mance: It took a record five-overtimes, but the West Coast kid outlasted magnificent Mance. It’s the first time a No. 5 seed will vie for the title of America’s best dressed.

Magarity: “You must be pleased with the result, Sam?”

Scuilli: “A truly fashionable man is more than just the fabrics and textures draping his body. A truly stylish is more than the sum of the parts of his wardrobe. Lloyd Pierce has the wardrobe.”

Magarity: “Is his closet deep enough to get one more win?”

Scuilli: “His closet is neatly arranged with ties and shoes and belts and suits and all of the accoutrements necessary to compete at this level. More importantly, he has the style. Style is about confidence, and particularity about the quiet confidence of knowing yourself.”

Magarity: “Okay, I will ask you again, can he beat Alexander?”

Scuilli: “This confidence, this style, not only precludes him from the sordid proclivities of his competition, but also affords him the opportunity to look generously and magnanimously towards his fans and supporters.”

Magarity: “Do I need to get Telemundo to translate? Will he win the fashion finale?”

Scuilli: “That style will win the day, and the coveted bobblehead for LP, not simply because he is the best dressed, but because he can wear ratty gym shorts, scuffed Air Force Ones, and a camp T-shirt and still be the most fashionable assistant coach in the land.”

While Pierce and Alexander prepare for the final tilt, the semi-finals on the Head Coach catwalk had concluded. Let’s review the results…

HEAD COACH SEMIS

Bruiser Flint defeated Jay Wright: Mr. Fly is officially the King of Philadelphia. Last season he got to the championship, only to lose to Neil Dougherty. Would there be a repeat?

Willis Wilson defeated Neil Dougherty: The answer is no, as the smooth and debonair Wilson used a late rally to dethrone the defending champion.

TIME TO CROWN A CHAMPION

At long last we have reached the style summit. It’s been a long season and for two competitors it will be a very long off-season. It’s the championship round of the 2005 Runway to the Fashionable 4. The Gateway to Style comes to a conclusion.

Thank god! I don’t know if I could take much more of all this suave talking.

I will dispense with all the drama and cut to the chase. Let’s bring in Angela to make the announcement of the best-dressed coaches for 2005.

Lento: “It was ‘clothes’ call in the Assistant Coach finale. Pierce brought a lot of class and elegance to the championship, as did Alexander. All things being equal, the edge goes to the Egyptian cotton. The best-dressed assistant coach in 2005 is Detroit’s Bacari Alexander.”

Magarity: “Bacari Alexander and not Tony Jones or Kerry Keating. That’s outstanding. And how about the Head Coach winner?”

Lento: “This was one of the most closely contested fashion finales. Willis has the distinction of being the only coach to participate in every Fashionable 4, but Bruiser has the distinction of being America’s most stylish in 2005.”

Magarity: “Are you kidding me? I want another investigation.”

Lento: “Dave, there will be no investigations, but I would like to point out that you are clearly the most stylish coach not to compete on the 2005 Runway to the Fashionable 4.”

Magarity: “Tremendous point.”

Telemundo: “Le veremos la estación próxima en el cauce 2006 a los 4 de moda.”

Translation: “We will see you next season on The 2006 Runway to the Fashionable 4.”

Don Harnum: “Telemundo fue fascinado por el tamaño de la cabeza de Magarity.” That translates to, ‘Telemundo was fascinated by the size of Magarity’s head.’”

CLICK HERE to see all the Runway to the Fashionable 4 results.