Dave Magarity -- The Legend of the Seven Golden Vampires

On our recent bus trip to Fordham, I unleashed John Carpenter's ?The Fog? on our team. Much to my dismay, they did not find it compelling so I have decided to pass on breaking down this film.

Instead, I have opted for a lesser known, but equally as riveting action adventure. Digging deep into my video vault I uncovered a theatrical masterpiece.

Horror fans across the country will love this one. There is no question in my mind that this is a work of film art.

It's Bruce Lee clashing with Bram Stoker. It's "The Legend of the Seven Golden Vampires."

Many of you are probably not familiar with the great movies of the "Hammer Film Company." This was another in the long line of outstanding titles.

As a kid, Saturday matinees featured such invigorating titles as "The Curse of the Werewolf," "The Vampire Lovers," "The Gorgon" and many others.

"The Gorgon" was outstanding, featuring a female creature, with snakes as hair, which turned all lookers into stone. As a teenager I dated a few women like that.

While the titles and story lines changed through the years, there were seemingly always three commonalities throughout.

Almost every Hammer Film included Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing, but the common thread most appealing to me was the continuous visions of "skin" on the big screen.

Since they were based in England, Hammer Films were able to work numerous outstanding visual shots of the female characters into the film.

Of course, my interest always lied in the great story lines. The fact that nudity was prevalent was never really a factor for me.

In the mid 1970's the latest Hammer film was released in America and renamed "Seven Brothers against Dracula." How about that for a little film trivia?

Just a couple of years ago it was released on video, as part of the Hammer Collection, as "The Legend of the Seven Golden Vampires."

The story begins in Transylvania, in 1804. A Chinese monk awakens Dracula to tell him of his Seven Golden Vampires. Dracula possesses the body of the monk and sets out to resurrect the seven.

One hundred years later, we are introduced to a staple of Hammer films. Once again, Peter Cushing is on the trail as the incomparable Professor Van Helsing.

Interestingly enough, Van Helsing is an Englishman teaching Chinese history in China. What a novel concept.

One of his pupils is familiar with the legends and convinces Van Helsing to accompany he and his six brothers on a journey to destroy undead. There is also a beautiful sister who is well versed in the martial arts.

But of course, the film would not be complete without the knockout blond that, for no apparent reason, joins the expedition team.

This was a tremendous use of props. Julie Ege is the beauty trying to avoid being fanged in the movie poster.

While her talents are somewhat limited, the skills of the seven brothers and one sister are displayed in the many conflicts throughout the film. No question they are a talented group.

Since the story is set in Asia, the crucifix is not a major deterrent to vampires, but the image of Buddha proves to be just as effective.

All in all the film provides great entertainment. It's a new twist on an old tale.

As it turned out, it would be the last of the long line of vampire flicks produced by Hammer Films.

I would highly recommend this masterpiece to movie enthusiasts. I also would suggest some other titles such as "Dr. Jekyll and Sister Hyde," "Vampire Circus," "Rasputin The Mad Monk," and "One Million Miles B.C," which was the screen debut of the lovely Raquel Welch.

While she never uttered a word of English her performance was outstanding. Whoever was in charge of costume design did a tremendous job of outfitting Ms. Welch.

It has been over 20 years since Hammer Films released a horror gem so I have taken it upon myself to work on a screenplay.

In addition to the many vampire and prehistoric stories, Hammer also made numerous Frankenstein films, the last coming in 1973 was entitled "Frankenstein and the Monster from Hell."

Therefore, I felt it would be good to pick up where that film left off so I give you "Frankenstein ravages the MAAC," starring Iona's Jeff Ruland. Dartmouth coach Dave Faucher would be cast in the role of Van Helsing. Of course I would play the good-looking hero who prevails in the end and the lovely Ms. Angela Lento, of CollegeInsider.Com, would nicely fit the part of the attractive co-star.

I understand that Ms. Lento's first fashion power index of the new season will be unveiled shortly. There is no question that I will find myself among the top 10. When it comes to big men, you are not going to find a better look one than me. If Ruland takes exception to that, well that's just too bad!

Speaking of fashion, the self-proclaimed "Damn, I'm Fly," Bruiser Flint, will make his Drexel coaching debut in picturesque Poughkeepsie, New York.

That's right "Super Fly" will kick off the season in my house. He might have been named as America's most dapper coach, last season, but Curtis Mayfield won't find any warm fashion welcomes here.

CHICK FLICKS

Finally, I will wander from my original goal of recommending great films for those perilous bus trips. This weeks starting five focuses on "Chick Flicks."

With the start of the season upon us, there is no question that many of us will, from time to time, fall out of grace with our wives and girlfriends. And many of us will draw up plays on the blackboard to get out of the proverbial doghouse, which, in my case, has witnessed numerous renovations over the years, given my added size.

These films will help all those who have found themselves bedding on the couch. Flowers, a card and a nice video always do the trick.

BLAST FROM THE PAST: Very funny and entertaining romantic comedy, which features Brendan Fraser and Alicia Silverstone. During the nuclear scare of the early 1960?s, Fraser's dad, played by Christopher Walken, builds a bomb shelter and mistakenly locks his family inside. 35 years later Walken believes the world above is safe again and lets Fraser go exploring in search of a woman. He meets up with Ms. Silverstone and what follows is an amusing adjustment period for Fraser to life on the surface. Outstanding film!

CHOCOLAT: A recent release, starring Johnny Depp and Juliette Binoche, who plays a single mother that opens a chocolate shop in a rural town in France. The villagers do not immediately take to Binoche and her six-year old daughter, but eventually her delicious products draw them in. Depp shows up later in the film and catches the fancy of Binoche. This motion picture went over very well with my wife. I highly recommend it.

MILK MONEY: Ed Harris, who is one of my all-time favorite actors, plays a teacher who is more interested in the preservation of nature then finding a woman. Harris' son, played by Michael Patrick Carter, has other ideas, regarding the pursuit of beauty so he saves up his lunch money and ventures to the city in search of a woman who will bare herself. What he finds is the very attractive Melanie Griffith. So impressed with her naked beauty, he decides to bring her home for dad. What a thoughtful son! Excellent movie.

PRETTY WOMAN: I think you will find that Richard Gere bares a striking resemblance to me, minus a few extra pounds. Most everyone knows the plot to this one, which also stars the loveable Julia Roberts. It's a new novel twist on boy meets girl. It's boy meets hooker. Still a favorite among the women so rent it.

WHAT WOMEN WANT: Obviously the title begs a question, which I can easily answer -- That would be me. Fortunately for me, my lovely wife is not an avid reader of my film reviews. This is romantic comedy, starring Mel Gibson and the elegant Helen Hunt. Gibson plays a swinging bachelor who is blessed with the gift of being able to hear the thoughts of women. How outstanding is that concept! This accident, which gives him this gift, provides him a great advantage in his pursuit of Hunt. I'd settle for just knowing what opposing coaches are thinking about.

Anyone of those titles will go along ways to winning back your woman, but a note of caution, try to avoid these films:

THE CRYING GAME: This is a good movie to recommend to people that you don't like -- Very good cast, very bad love affair. I'd classify this as a horror film.

GIA: Angelina Jolie is tremendous. Her love interest in the film will undoubtedly go over well with the guys, but it's not exactly the best way to win back your woman.

INDECENT PROPOSAL: Demi Moore is wonderful, but you never want to give the women any ideas.

WOMAN ON TOP: Penelope Cruz is outstanding, but the title itself will probably be a little too suggestive.