Dave Magarity -- The Scariest Places on Earth

The ABC Family channel has a program, hosted by Linda Blair, called "The Scariest Places on Earth" so I felt it was my duty to break down some of the more frightening places in the world of college basketball. As well as some costume ideas for coaches.

For anyone that hasn't seen the program; each week they send a family to a haunted site and they have to spend the night walking around looking for scary things. I think that is something all coaches can relate to from their youth, having scurried around at "last call" looking for something horrifying in nature.

My friends at College Insider thought, rather than send a family, it would be more entertaining to send four or five coaches to Dracula's Castle for the night. Given the lack of beauty in our fraternity, I am sure we could assemble a team that would scare the hell out of any lingering souls. A lot of us don't need costumes for Halloween.

Speaking of costumes, here's short list of coaches that wouldn't have to work to hard to assemble their Halloween attire.

Florida coach Billy Donovan has the Eddie Munster thing down to a science.

All St. Joseph's coach Phil Martelli needs is a few feathers and a set of wings and he'd double nicely as the St. Joseph's Hawk.

Missouri's Quin Snyder, Tulanes' Shawn Finney and Fairfield's Tim O?Toole would be a good start for the cast of "90210."

If UCLA's Steve Lavin grabs a cape and goes with a pale look he'll resemble a product of Transylvania.

Manhattan's Bobby Gonzalez would make a great Igor. No makeup needed at all.

St. John's coach Mike Jarvis is tailor made for a "Fresh Prince" episode as Phillip Banks.

Former TCU coach Billy Tubbs needs just a little makeup to pose as Batman's adversary "the Joker."

Wisconsin's Bo Ryan has a little Vincent Price thing happening.

My not so tough friend at Iona, Jeff Ruland is one shade of green away from being Bill Bixby's alter ego.

A couple of bolts and a stiff suit and I think I'd make a rather handsome Frankenstein.

And my good friend, College Insider's lovely Angela Lento would make an outstanding Laura Croft. Look for "Tomb Raider 2" to be reviewed down the road.

By the way, if Linda Blair wants to get in touch with me regarding my presence in a haunted house she can leave a message with my secretary. I would be more than happy to spend a night fending off ghouls.

While I wait for the Fox Family Channel to call me, lets take a look at some other creepy places in the world of college hoops.

No question that any journey to Cameron Indoor would fall under the heading of a horrific event, but how about this one. Can you imagine a game between Florida and UCLA --Billy Donovan, Steve Lavin and all that hair gel? That sends a chill up my big spine. My buddy at Providence, Tim Welsh should lighten up a little bit on the hair products as well.

That's a little chilling, but an expedition with former LSU coach Dale Brown to the Amazon sounds a little unnerving to me. Although my head is grand in size and circumference and would probably frighten off the headhunters.

What an outstanding job Ms. Lento did with that story on the Adventures of Dale Brown, but I think she was incorrect in one aspect. It wasn't British Columbia where Brown searched for Bigfoot. I believe it was the residence of Jeff Ruland, in New Rochelle, New York where the hunt for Bigfoot began.

It seems as though my good friend Ruland took exception to my including him in my movie review of "The Blob." It hurts when the shoe fits, doesn't it Bigfoot?

He actually did go on a vigorous off-season conditioning program so now he is telling everyone that he's chiseled granite. Nice try Jack LaLane. By the way, big-bad Ruland would be the first to flee that haunted castle in fright. Not quite as tough as you think you are big boy.

From the not so tough to the stern. I'd have to think it would be a frightening scene to be in the Cincinnati locker room if Bob Huggins? Bearcats put forth anything less than a solid defensive effort in the first half. Coach Huggins might be a great solution for dealing with the Taliban.

Anyone who has ever ventured in Wake Forest coach Skip Prosser's office can attest to chilling sounds that fill his office. Skip is one of my good friends, but his choice of music is a little suspect. I have it on good authority that Skip's office rings out all day long with the sounds of Scottish music.

To me, that's scary, but not nearly as creepy as a journey to Schwartz Athletic Center on the campus of Long Island University.

Before Marist moved to the Metro Atlantic Athletic Conference, we were a member of the Northeast Conference and made a yearly trip to LIU. Every time I walked into that place I saw ghostly visions of the Phantom of the Opera.

The old Brooklyn Paramount theatre was converted into the Blackbirds home court and let me tell you, it's an eerie place. There were times I was giving halftime speeches when I swore I heard screams coming out of the walls. When they got that old organ cranking it was bone chilling.

First year coaches should consider taking extra under garments when making their initial visit to the Schwartz Center.

In the MAAC we have a stop that isn't nearly as hair-raising, but it can be a spine tingling experience. If you have ever seen the movie "House on Haunted Hill" then you can get an understanding of what a trip to Draddy Gym, on the campus of Manhattan College is like.

Located in Riverdale, New York, the campus sits on the top of what seems like an endless series of hills. It's unquestionably one of the toughest places to play in our conference, but just getting to the gym is a haunting experience.

Every time we drive up that final hill I fully expect to see coach Bobby Gonzalez standing at the top, with a cynical grin screaming, "It's Alive, It's Alive!"

Anyone who knows coach Gonzalez can tell you that a conversation with him can be a scary proposition. He could talk a dog off a meat truck.

Venturing to Manhattan College is unnerving, but not nearly as horrific as my final entry to the scariest places. That's reserved for the post game press conferences.

There isn't a coach in America who hasn't had a horrifying experience in that post game pressroom. The questions alone are scary, but a glance around the room chills the blood. The wardrobes would scare a cat of out of its' skin.