Dave Magarity -- The French Disconnection

Recently I was headed home to sit down and pen my latest film-review column and thought it would be a good idea to make a stop at the convenience store to pick up something to drink, for the long night ahead.

I thought some nice refreshing spring water would be both healthy and refreshing. I peered into the cooler and noticed a full allotment of "Perrier" bottled water. As I reached for a bottle of "Poland Spring," it got me thinking -- what in the hell is there problem?

Upon returning home, I flipped on the television to keep me company while working on my latest feature. I a saw a commercial for "I-Hop" and their new "Stuffed French Toast," which made me think --- Well, I know what they are full of.

Now I am not going to "veto" and -- those who know me realize -- there is no chance I will "abstain." Instead I will offer up some insight into some outstanding films, which deal with our friends on the other side of the pond.

Let's start with Gene Hackman's portrayal of "Popeye Doyle" in "The French Disconnection." This tremendous film was released the same year (1971) as Clint Eastwood's "Dirty Harry." These films helped to usher in a new era of gritty police dramas.

This film is based on the real-life account of Eddie Egan, a New York City Detective, and a crack down on a French Heroin smuggling operation. Hackman gives and outstanding performance in what would be first of two films.

The Frenchman gets away in the first one and appears to escape in the sequel, but -- in the end -- Doyle hits his mark. And the world was rid of one less sniveling French drug lord. Poughkeepsie, New York is mentioned in the film.

Moving right along, our next feature film is "Rugrats in Paris," which centers on the pre-school tone of the country's foreign affairs policy. Terrific for the kids and adults will chuckle at the antics of the characters, including "Chucky," played by Jacques Chirac.

Another terrific animated feature, released in 1965, is "Alice in Wonderland in Paris." It's Wonder-land all right. It makes you wonder what the hell they are thinking.

In 1951, Hollywood released "An American in Paris," which starred Gene Kelly.

There is talk of a sequel to this film, which would be called "XXX 2 - An American in Paris." In the follow up to "XXX," the NSA sends Vin Diesel to Paris where he slaps Jerry Lewis and single handedly takes France in one day.

Keeping with the theme, another excellent film is "The Day of the Jackal."

Frederick Forsyth's best-seller was bought to the big screen in 1973, starring Edward Fox as the hired hitman. The contract is simple, assassinate Charles De Gaulle. This story is very detailed, as Fox's character is very calculated. It builds to a climactic ending.

De Gaulle was the man in charge of France -- but in charge of what, I don't know -- when the Allies landed in Normandy in 1944. The D-Day invasion was brilliantly captured, by Darryl F. Zanuck in "The Longest Day." However I don't think he captured it as easily as the German's captured Paris, a few years earlier.

Zanuck's blockbuster featured some of Hollywood's biggest names, including John Wayne, Robert Mitchum, Henry Fonda, Richard Burton and Sean Connery.

There have been other attempts to depict the event of June 6, 1944, but none compare to this epic. Released in 1962, this film is still a classic today. It's a must rental for anyone who hasn't seen it. I believe that the local video store is offering a free bottle of "Chateau Mouton-Rothschild" with the rental of this film.

General George S. Patton was not a part of the actual landings, but he once offered a great observation saying, "I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me."

His modern day counter part, General Norman Schwartzkopf stated, "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion."

Continuing...1979 saw the release of, "The French Woman." This film is allegedly based on the true story of Madame Claude, the head of a high-priced French brothel. Perhaps I am mistaken, but I thought the Madame looked a lot like Martin Sheen in drag. The actor turned Secretary of State doesn't appear in the credits, but I am rather certain it's him.

From the bizarre vision of drag to the lovely vision of Piper Perabo, who was tremendous in "Coyote Ugly." The very attractive Perabo stars in a soon to be released film entitled, "Slap Her, She's French."

No, I am not kidding that is the title.

Perabo plays a French foreign exchange student in a small Texas town's high school upsets the balance by trying to usurp the position of the most popular girl.

Other titles that you may want to pick up include, Jacque Cousteau's National Geographic film, "They're Dangerous, but we're Pussy Galore," starring the beautiful James Bond lady, "Pussy Galore."

I also recommend "The 2002 Winter Olympic Highlights," which tells the story of a French judge who tried to take something away from the Canadian figure skaters.

And that's all the "proof" you need.