Dave Magarity -- The James Bond Women

It's the season for giving gifts and what better gift could you find under your tree this year than one of these James Bond classics. Imagine the joy of unwrapping one of these gems on Christmas night.

What a tremendous holiday treat it would be to find Christmas Jones, topped with nothing but a bow on Christmas morning. There is no question that "The World is not Enough" was an outstanding Bond film, but Dr. Jones would be more than enough to complete the holiday.

No question that that is one of those gifts you would want to open on Christmas Eve.

Recently, Halle Berry said that she was the sexiest Bond woman of all-time. There is no question that Ms. Berry is very attractive, but that is quite a bold statement.

Through the years there have been some tremendous visual effects in the James Bond series so I thought -- in the spirit of the Twelve Days of Christmas -- I would offer up 12 nicely packaged treats that would make everyone take an entirely different look at the mistletoe.

So let's begin...

ON THE FIRST DAY OF CHRISTMAS Santa gave to me, Pussy Galore. I think it is safe to say that this gift would suffice even the biggest of holiday appetites. Honor Blackman (right) doesn't show up in "Goldfinger" until the end of the film, but saving the best for last is always a terrific touch.

It's one of the all-time great lines, when Bond (Sean Connery) wakes up to see Ms. Galore standing over him. She tells him that she is Pussy Galore, to which he responds, "I must be dreaming." Outstanding!

ON THE SECOND DAY OF CHRISTMAS Santa gave to me two, Jill Masterson clones. Ms. Masterson -- a stunning blond bombshell -- played by Shirley Eaton is depicted in one of the most famous scenes from a Bond film. She is the beauty completely covered in gold, courtesy of "Goldfinger." That picture gives new meaning to the fun of body paint.

ON THE THIRD DAY OF CHRISTMAS Santa gave to me, three Mary Goodnight models. Come March, three good nights at the MAAC tournament would result in a trip to the NCAA tournament. For the holiday, three Mary Goodnight's would be the perfect way to end Christmas day.

Ms. Goodnight, played by Britt Ekland, appears in "The Man with the Golden Gun." Her character is less than flattering -- as she is portrayed as a dumb blonde -- but who cares. She is an absolute delight to watch move across the screen.

ON THE FOURTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS Santa gave to me, four Martine Beswick beauties. This lovely brunette is one of the few to appear in two different Bond films. She plays a gypsy girl named Zora, in "From Russia with Love," which is a very small role. She doesn't even have a line in the film, but she still gave a tremendous performance.

In "Thunderball" she has an expanded role, playing Paula Caplan (right).. She has a little more dialogue in this film, playing an MI-6 contact. However -- when captured by the enemy -- she takes her own life, rather than reveal any information on Bond. Beauty and loyalty, what a combination!

ON THE FIFTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS Santa gave to me, five Goldeneyes. The very attractive Famke Janssen plays Xenia Onatopp (right). Ms. On-a-topp would be the perfect thing to place on the top of your tree. Let's not read too much into that statement.

Famke plays a very aggressive adversary in "Goldeneye." And Ms. Onatopp likes it very rough. She would make a tremendous on-the-ball defender.

ON THE SIXTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS Santa gave me, three Fatima Blush clones and three Dominique Derval beauties. Why have one when you can get two. This combination would make a terrific backcourt. No question they would score a lot of points with the opposition.

The amazing Barbara Carrera plays Fatima Blush, in "Never Say Never Again." Like Famke Jannsen's character Xenia, Blush enjoys sadism. Of course I don't see anything wrong with an aggressive woman.

Claudine Auger (right) is one of the best-looking Bond women, playing Dominique Derval, in "Thunderball." One scene with Auger and Bond (Sean Connery) was cut from the movie. It depicts the two engaged in underwater play. This scene originally featured Ms. Auger's bikini floating to the surface, but that was deemed to be too suggestive. It was just a bit too racy for 1965.

ON THE SEVENTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS Santa gave to me, seven Paris Carver models, one for every day of the week. Terri Hatcher is one of my all-time favorite actresses and she does not disappoint in "Tomorrow Never Dies."

Unfortunately she does not survive the entire film, but watching her -- while she remained alive -- was time well spent.

ON THE EIGHTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS Santa gave to me, Solitaire. No, not the card game, but Jane Seymour does determine what is in the cards for others. Ms. Seymour is divine in "Live and Let Die," as she plays a tarot card reader. Needless to say, a journey to the bedroom is the hand James Bond is dealt.

ON THE NINTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS Santa gave to me, Domino Petachi. Kim Bassinger plays the love interest of Bond's adversary, in "Never Say Never Again." This was actually an 'unofficial' Bond film so you won't see Bond ordering any Vodka Martini's. In fact, this film is very similar to "Thunderball." The villain in both is named Largo and his fate in both stories is almost identical.

ON THE TENTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS Santa gave to me, five Plenty O'Tooles and five Melina Havelocks. Once again I did not see anything wrong with working two women into one day.

Caroline Bouquet plays Melina Havelock, in "For Your Eyes Only." And Ms. Hav-e-lock has-a-lot for your eyes to view. Likewise, Lana Wood plays Plenty O'Toole (right) in "Diamonds Are Forever" and -- YES -- she has plenty.

In one of the more classic Bond scenes, Lana Wood walks up to Bond (Sean Connery) and says, "Hi, I'm Plenty." Bond looks at her chest and replies, "But of course you are."

ON THE ELEVENTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS Santa gave to me, eleven visits to Dr. Holly Goodhead. Try explaining to your boss that you need to leave early for a doctor's appointment with Ms. Goodhead.

The good doctor is played by Lois Chiles who is the leading lady in "Moonraker." This film was one of the most disappointing in the Bond series, but her inclusion helps to offset the otherwise average script.

ON THE TWELFTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS Santa gave to me, twelve Honey Ryders. With a roster of Honey Ryder's I may not win a game, but who cares.

Ursula Andress' image (right) of Honey Ryder -- on the beach -- in "Dr. No" is familiar to even the casual Bond fan. She emerges from the water in a bikini, with a knife strapped to her hip. What outstanding accessories. The knife is a great visual, but Ms. Andress offers some other wonderful props in this famous scene.

ON HIS WAY BACK TO THE NORTH POLE Santa gave to me, one final gift. He dropped off some Octopussy. Nobody said that I had to stick to the original poem so why not add one last late night gift.

Maude Adams returns to play the role of the film's title. "Octopussy" marks the first and only time that one actress has played the leading lady twice. Adams played Andrea Anders in "The Man with the Golden Gun." Obviously she had a much better name in the 1983 film, "Octopussy."

I sincerely hope everyone has a very safe and happy Christmas. I hope Santa leaves you something nice to unwrap on Christmas night! And remember, don't call me fat. The name is Stout -- Portly and Stout.